the foolish and the mellow voices

.

I miss that playful humour - the kind you get when we get close enough to see that everything's beyond the laughter and the miss-yous

Yesterday we caught PS I love you. Yes, it's the kind of show i've never liked - cheesy romantic and all, lovey-dovey. But Gerard Butler was charming. In that sillysweet, crazybeautiful kind of charming.

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For the last 2 weeks, I caught The Diving Bell and the Butterfly and Juno. You should watch The Diving Bell if you haven't been fond of life, is or considering cheating on your partner, been on the relentless pursuit of a career, money, car and whatnots.

And for Juno, it was a good laugh. Ellen Page played Juno impeccably and even Michael Cera was a cute geek.

i want to catch There will be Blood!

ARGH!!!

BACK TO STATSt

And I had really wished this year will be different. (Til now, nothing has changed really. 2008 doesn't appear to be Any different from 2007 except for modules - are these what mark new years?) 

I hate to say this but it's getting stifling, daunting and trying.

I don't enjoy Christmas. I've never and I doubt i ever would. This year, I've gotten 2 gifts. one from Xiaoxuan and the other from Colin. It's a keyboard! It's so precious. Perhaps because of the fact that i know nuts about working its magic and wish to learn how to actually play more than from C to G. But I'm a slow learner and the holiday's almost over and School (oh that very dreadful thing) is about to ruin my life again. But yet, I'm glad to have to short break.


So now, its time to looking forward to seeing des who is BACK, in a few hours, the High Tea appointment, alicia&xuan date, hopefully meeting up with jeremy and seeing mich after she returns, watching more Bond films and more Sun

I hate being uncertain, having no idea what i am doing in SMU, missing those days of solitary wandering nowhere , lazy weekends, reading and being with people who make me happy just by saying and doing the silliest things. It's funny how those things i miss spells uncertainty and flippancy. It's the spontaneity really. Most days I hate making plans and deciding for things I've no interest in or knowledge of.

 Rationality in emotional arguments are ironic and it's hard to draw a line between resolving a plain problem and untangling yourself from emotional ones. Still, we ought to try and perhaps someday it will work out.

I thought feeling all these emotions were healthier than denying them but now I'm not so determined.

we had Absinthe. it tasted like liquorice and smells like cough syrup. we made it like how it was supposed to be - sugar cube drizzled with water on a triangular spoon. i was rather full of anticipation after having read of its hallucinogenic effects like what i've read it did for Wilde. What i did experience was a rush through my stomach and then soon, it was gone. it didnt taste alcoholic but more herbal, medicine-like. he still has almost 3/4 bottle of it. perhaps we'll drink it at its full 70percent next time, maybe he'll see Hendrix

love
pause
break




- repeat

this vacillating between love and heartache is really tiring. 

i miss my life - doing everything in nothing at all. where yellow was dreadful and there were no days of math, no bus rides to places where people dont know each other.
staying up and straying. staying up and straying. writing about nothing, i know i write
nothing to miss cause everything i needed i had.

 

THE sweethearts made this birthday perfect.





there have been so many camps and activities. freshmen was rigorous and exhausting but it did successfully shove into our faces the regime that we'll have to go through in school. for the rest, some was eventful and fun and others were just crazy.

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i had wanted so bad to go see The Cure. but i know the money should be spent on getting myself a laptop instead. besides, the seats were really awful and the view was bound to suck. and then, i was stuck in camp. and so was he. just a different sort of camp.

on the whole, the feeling's been exasperating as i've been so easily frustrated lately. except for that night when we didnt fight at all and he made me noodles. we had a huge and one of the most public fight at paragon. i walked away. but he never did which made it all less dreadful.

i've been spending much time alone, hoping it will all calm my nerves. shopping, swimming and just sleeping, simply being away from everything else. but i keep waking up with this awful feeling of nothingness, not knowing what's wrong and taking it out on everyone else.

maybe someday, this child in me will settle down.

today's my last day at NAFA - the home of corny Email Addresses (tonyforeverlove@hotmail), the twisties girl, lovely colleagues and many many more. the bad experiences aside (though they all taught me something), the time was well-spent.

a summary of a new friend's impression of me. (i deleted the fluffy stuff) 
"you are opinionated"
"you know what you want"
"you seem dao when meeting new people and take some warming up to. but once you are close to someone, you are caring and sweet."
"you alway seem sleepy cause your eyes are small and it's easier closing them than opening them." (HAHA)
"you have an extreme dark side when provoked."

the fluffy stuff 
"you have the habit of storing food in your cheeks like a hamster when you're lazy to chew your food"

laughs.

school's intimidating. the possibility  of much public speaking, interacting with unfamiliar faces, leadership training, the feeling that "BIG BROTHER'S WATCHING", a Certificate Of Citizenship which we have to commit to (with a fellow student to witness) accompanied by a school pledge and a list of clause in small print at the back truly scares me. 

for now, i'm going to stick to hanging around with friendly people and reading Oscar Wilde

THE CURE'S COMING TO SINGAPORE!!!


We should have each other with cream
Then curl up by the fire
And sleep for awhile
It's the grooviest thing
It's the perfect dream
(lovecats)

from dark evocative imagery to lovely-stickysweet love songs, the cure's going to be LIVE in Singapore!  

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anyway, i met up with jeremy and daiwei and it was great catching up/lots of army talk for the guys. we went from bugis to arab street to kampong glam where we chanced upon alley barbers, the Malay heritage centre, many chill-out, half-naked Caucasians-sprawled cafes to Raffles City to Suntec and Marina where we got caught up in the whole Singaporean staring at pre-National Day fireworks scenerio. but it was all fun. 

On Sunday, was supposed to have dimsum with xuan. things didnt go as planned but we still enjoyed ourselves. went down to Borders to attempt to search for Oscar Wilde's Plays, Prose Writings & Poems but was sorely disappointed. i cant find it on Amazon either. am depressed and in much longing.

in the span of the days between Friday and Sunday, i went for the immensely boring OCS Social Night (but i have to say i was impressed by the guys' efforts), ran into Jiaying whom i havent seen for more than 2years, hung out at Wala at Holland V, took a ride on Jeremy's bike around the neighbourhood, went to Sentosa, had icecream twice, sat at the pavement (meaning the ground) opposite my block and chatted/pick out songs on my ipod, caught Transformers where i was lusting over Josh Duhamel the entire time and had dinner with his parents. (arms across the table and silly conversations)

past few weeks' been good. except i find myself being more lethargic and inert. met up with alicia, went shopping and took pretty pictures, fought with him quite a bit but at least things are good now. other than that, there's been nothing sensational or intriguing. i need to see my friends more before i have to drag my lazy ass to school AGAIN